No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
