New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
