i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
