Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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