yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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