Sponge bath it is.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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