The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
