I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
