Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
