But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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