If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
