piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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