how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
