They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
