OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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