I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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