i wish my penis had a tongue
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize