Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
