I just pynch a tree in the face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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