I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
