bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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