Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
