it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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