I'm pants shitting drunk right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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