I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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