ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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