man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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