oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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