I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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