My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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