Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't turn off my feet"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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