I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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