That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
