dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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