I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
