I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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