All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
