you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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