I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
