i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
