I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
