The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
