I'm eating all of the evidence.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
