What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
