I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How did I end up in the pool?!
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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