i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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