I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
