I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it was like eating out sand paper
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
