i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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