My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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