dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
