Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
