I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
