i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
