Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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