That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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