the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
