I CAN MOONWALK!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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