My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
