I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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