Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
