you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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