our cab driver is having phone sex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
