Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
