If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize