I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
