I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
