oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
