you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
