Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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