Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
