fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
