Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
