just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
