Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
