Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
