Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
