I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
