I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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