dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
